grandma shit on top of the toilet
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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