batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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