He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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