Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
