You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
