he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
