you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
