you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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