I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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