Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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