Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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