the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
