The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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