Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
