"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
