o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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