She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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