I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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