I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
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if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
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Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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