I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
