Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
