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The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
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