I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
