no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
