dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
