To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
