Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
