what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
