You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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