It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
