if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
