i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
