Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
