Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
