well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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