all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
bring money and cleavage
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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