the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
