this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
