I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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