You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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