Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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