I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
