yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
