the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
