About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
