dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
