I am in a vortex of obligation.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
