There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
