That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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