I could make wine with my vomit
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
