you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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