Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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