I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
