We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
