Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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