Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you mean i was at the winter classic?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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