Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
