tell your sister to shave her snatch
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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