Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
