i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
