I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
