I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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